she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
