Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
