I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
