therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
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