my phone needs a breathalizer
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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