I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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