What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
