He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
pray to the hookup gods
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
