I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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