Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
