I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
