I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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