Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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