I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
