It's Friday. Sex?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
