In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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