cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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