Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
