How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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