did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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