I want you more than these girls want KFC
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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