I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
