I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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