I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
