Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
