She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
