Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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