Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
