Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I want to make a zoo with you.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
