i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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