chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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