Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Actions speak louder than pants.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
