just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
