$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
