I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
