fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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