I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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