Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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