I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
