Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only if we run a train.
done.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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