they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
