i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
