Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
