Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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