Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
In America we eat man semen.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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