okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Farmville is her only friend.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
