Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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