I will die if light touches me.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Dick very happy bro
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
