I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Randomize
