i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
