Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
