OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
