went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
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since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
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I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I am mentally ready for anal.
how does that bad decision feel?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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