I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
