i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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