I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Randomize