Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You need Xanax blowdarts
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
