So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
