i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
