Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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