i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
