Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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