no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
