He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
