is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
