So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
