He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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