This is not my ceiling
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
