May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm like, not good at living.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
