Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
