I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
