I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
