I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
