Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
