I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize