You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
