Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
