I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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