we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
