the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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