I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
