so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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