I hope mine doesn't look like that
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
