I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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