I faked an abortion last night.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
