ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
